When does the pain stop!
I don’t know about you ladies but I’m tired of this pain from feeling suffocated and stuck in the perimenopausal and midlife transitional period.
Since the beginning of the pandemic when it all started for me, nothing has been the same for my health, career, happiness and general life opportunities.
I feel like I’ve been put into a box with the lid firmly closed.
Every so often I try to open the lid to peek out but every single time it gets slammed right back down!
The pain is excrusciating, it makes you feel powerless and numb. It feels like the walls are closing in on you while the outside world is all hunky dory and passing you by!
Argh! I would just love to scream and runaway!
Midlife does this to you since you are changing and transitioning. It feels like a bloody crisis but it’s not.
It is a particular point in our lives when we are meant to questions ourselves, our lives, careers, marriages and so on.
We need to hear ourselves say “I don’t want this anymore” or “I don’t want to feel like this anymore”, otherwise we won’t change.
If we don’t go through this pain and discomfort, we’re not going to transition.
Just to make a joke which probably isn’t funny but I’ll say it anyway. “We need to be like snakes and shed our skins to allow for further growth (but not remove parasites like it says on Google)”.
I want to shed my “old-self” as being; chef, cleaner, taxi driver and general dogsbody and become me. It’s the same with my career which I stupidly gave up when I fell ill and I’m still not able to pick it up from where I left it.
What I would like to do now, is live on my own with my three gorgeous labs, write blogs, travel, interview people to hear their (life) stories and make documentaries about (Italian) homes.
I’ve always had a passion for historical homes and gardens and I simply love looking at houses of all sorts and imaging the type of people who live(d) there and what their lifestyle was/is like.
A lot of the older houses which are now abbandoned, seem to be mysterious or there is some spooky story to be told.
So, getting back to me 🙂 “I’m stuck”
Regardless how hard I try or how optimistic I am. I’m constantly being knocked down and put back into my suffocating box.
The cost of living is high especially when you don’t work.
Bills and unexpected costs just jump out from every nook and cranny, therefore, it’s hard to spend money on yourself or your new hobbies or maybe a new business.
Furthermore, the horrible and soul destroying thing about the perimenopause and midlife transitioning is that it robs you of your confidence and energy.
Before all of this, I was a strong, confident, ambitious and successful person. Now, I’m the complete opposite and it’s frustrating!
I suffer from pain 24 hours a day non-stop, however, the pain of failure, numbness and a lack of ability to move forward to live the life I would like to live, is, purely soul and mind destroying!
I just want to cry and scream. It’s like the “Groundhog day” film, every day is the same, the same pain and same frustration.
Argh!
Anyway, it’s a beautiful sunny day. My walk with my dogs in the woods awaits.
I have to “chin up” and march forward yet another day!
I hope you all have a lovely day too.
It would be lovely to hear your (similar) stories too.
“A problem shared is a problem halved”. This is another thing. Most of us suffer in silence. We need to share our stories and be heard. It’s important not to feel alone.
Anyways, we’ll get there, it just takes time…..unfortunately
